I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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