How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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