What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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