Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
