Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize