ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
