you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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