I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want to make out with him forever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
