I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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