piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
