I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
