he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
