Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize