matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
