Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
