so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
