terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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