she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
only you would photoshop your dick
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
