I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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