I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
