I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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