Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
