..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
