do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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