he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize