Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
