just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
