Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
