Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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