This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize