i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
