There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
