fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize