I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
