Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
