i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize