I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
