Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
