I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
