I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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