we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
