your room smells of hookers.
And success
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
