You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
