If i come over, it means nothing
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
