Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
