He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
