im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Text me some of your sweat
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
