I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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