Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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