so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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