Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
