Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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