It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize