wanna go halves on a baby?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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