Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Houston, we have a squirter
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
