I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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