I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So apparently I’m into choking now
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