id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
