I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize