Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
