I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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