i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
