i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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