I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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