sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
