I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
