Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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