um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
