the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
