I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
