My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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