im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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