I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
