At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
