And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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