those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
