so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
