Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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