mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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