Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
