Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
