I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
