so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
