Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
