you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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