halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
