she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
