we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
be right there i have to get my cape
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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