I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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