It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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