You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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