and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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