I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
