In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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