my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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