I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
