mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
