Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
