so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize