U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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