Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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